12 December 2011



1. Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out at least half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2. You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and a great deal of give and take on both sides.

3. Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4. Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you. Be aware that most men aren't mentally programmed for conversation in the way women are. They need more silence and internal time.

5. Make him appreciate you. Don't wait for a spontaneous compliment, but say something good about yourself and ask for his agreement.

6. Teach him, preferably early in your relationship, exactly how to give you a fail-safe orgasm because it's unlikely he'll find out alone. If you don't yet know yourself, find out.

7. Learn to do the one thing that is most likely to restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine, loving and approving smile.

8.Often those subtle quirks that first attracted you to your partner can, with time, turn around and become toe-curlingly annoying habits. Learn to love him, warts and all.

9. Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. Remember that while men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

10. Learn that punishing your partner won't work. It may make you feel better to give him a hard time, but it will actually make him dig his heels in more. A better tactic is to reward the things you like and ignore what you don't like.

11. Money is the number one cause of couple conflict. For a relationship to work, you need to address your finances and work out a budget. You could also read Stop Fighting About Money by Corinne Sweet (Hodder & Stoughton,£6.99)

12. If the domestic work is not divided fairly between you, it will cause friction in your relationship. Make a list of the domestic tasks, talk it through with your partner and mobilise the whole family, your partner included, to share the work.

13. If you have children, involve your partner as much as possible with the childcare - even if you feel he's not as good as it at you are. It's important to present a united front to your children.

14. Sort out your sex life. The sex may ebb and flow over the years, but if sex starts going downhill, don't just accept it. As soon as you notice a slide, question why and then work at bringing the passion back.

15. Don't assume you won't be tempted to have an affair as almost everyone is. You need to learn to resist. If you do stray, don't feel it spells the end of your relationship. Most couples recover, particularly from a one-night-stand, and often find that unrooting the cause of the affair helps them to get even closer. So, you need to learn to resist. But don't think that an affair is the end of everything.

16. Remember that boredom typically covers up anger. If you feel bored with him, ask yourself what you're angry about.

17. Be aware that men generally feel overwhelmed by emotion more than women do. If he's angry or tearful, half an hour's 'unflooding' time to himself will help get his balance back and make him more able to interact positively with you.

18. Learn how to argue well. The trick is to never say anything that you wouldn't want to hear said to you. For extra help, read my book, Stop Arguing Start Talking (Vermilion, £6.99).

19. Research suggests you need five positive experiences to erase the memory of one negative experience. So give five kind words for each bitchy comment. Give five hugs for each cold shoulder.

20. Learn how to negotiate. Each of you states what you want, then both of you work together to find a way forward. Read, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher (Arrow, £8.99).

21. Accept the things that won't change. Some characteristics about your partner are there for life - and you have to face that.

22. Learn to forgive. If you know you will never forgive your partner over something important, then give him - and yourself - a break and start again, with someone else.

23. Realise that the two of you will shift and change over the years. So, even if you think you understand him, or believe you have agreements sorted, check regularly - at least once a year - to make sure that neither of you has changed your mind.

24. Know when to leave. If your life aims are incompatible, there are heavy drugs or violence around, or if there is consistently more pain than pleasure, then walk before the relationship destroys you.

25. Don't think that going to counselling equals failure. It can turn a bad relationship around. It can turn an average relationship into a brilliant one.

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7 Undeniable Facts About Making Your Relationship Work


Fact #1: You can’t have a relationship, a real relationship, if you don’t communicate with each other. One way street is not the way to build relationship… unless it’s with yourself.

Fact #2: To accept the other person into your life, you have to open yourself up to that person. You have to meet and interact with that person. Living in emotional ivory tower simply isn’t going to work.

Fact #3: Relationships involves investing emotions, not just a mere list of “To Do”. You have to put in your feelings. Passion is like added spice to a bland dish, and so is shared intimacy to different degrees. Giving flowers or cards just because it’s a scheduled task on your organizer can only get you superficial gestures in return.

Fact #4: To build quality relationship, you have to willingly share good times and bad times with each other. Every time you are together, its in the ups or the downs of your life. Let it be shared with the worthy one. Fair weathered people not allowed here.

Fact#5: Being in a relationship does require you to both compromise sometimes. You will have to adjust to each other, making time and taking in differing viewpoints.

Each individual will end up shaping the other. Our life experiences and character will be infused within the lifestyle of the other. If no compromise is made, then it will be like a rock ramping against a brick. Never expect to be unchanged by someone you truly love.

Fact #6: To make it work long term, your values and beliefs must be accepted or the least, appreciated by each other. Otherwise, it will be full of turmoil within. A simple flutter of life’s waving hands and it will crumple.

Fact #7: Relationships involve changes and hence incur risk. Understand that everybody changes and nothing will always be the same. But you have to accept the risk as part of life and in relationship.

Yet the irony is, you can’t build a truly real relationship by being ‘safe’. Risk is sometimes what makes a relationship worth having and pursuing. It’s what makes relationships so alluring and beautiful.

Go on, strive to make it work. Make, not just your life, but also your relationship excel beyond excellence.

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How to Be a Good Girlfriend


  1. Be honest. While being honest to your guy is very important, to the point of being paramount, it is equally important that you are honest with yourself. If you overreact or make a mistake, you can acknowledge your error and apologize. If you're feeling vulnerable or upset, you can sort through your feelings and verbalize them to him in a non-accusing way. And the most important here, is that you will open your feelings as much as possible. For example, if someone crushes you, tell him immediately for you two not to have problems as much as possible.
  2. Have a positive attitude. If everything you say around him is a criticism or an attack, he will not look forward to seeing you. However, you don't always have to agree with him just because he is your boyfriend. Tactfulness is a better strategy in mature relationships. No matter what, have a good sense of humor. Have inside jokes together. Be spontaneous. Be happy.
  3. Make your desires, needs, and opinions known, even when they may conflict with his. You don't and shouldn't exist solely to please him. Besides, showing that you are your own person with your own needs, desires, and approach to life will keep him interested in getting to know and understand you as a person. Just remember to express yourself in way that doesn't attack anyone else's opinion or lifestyle in any way--you can be humble and outspoken at the same time.
  4. Take an interest in his interests. Remember his interests and topics of conversation. You don't have to act like you love his hobbies, but at least try to understand why he's such a fan. If he loves a band, understand why. If he just loves to be playful and immature, remember that it might just be his way of releasing stress.
    • Make him something. A paper flower, an artsy heart, something creative that reflects your personality, so whenever he looks at it he'll think of you and smile. If you the musical type, or play an instrument, feel free to play him some songs (bonus points if you play a song you wrote yourself!). Watch him melt and he will remember this for a long time.
  5. Let him live his life. If you feel entitled to all of his time and attention, learn how to not be an obsessive girlfriend. Don't be an "over protective girlfriend" let him go out without him feeling watched. Remember that he doesn't need you for everything and that you are separate people as well as a couple. When he needs some space, don't take it personally. But do make sure he knows that you are always there for him.
  6. Be yourself Don't lie to impress him, don't try to make him jealous, don't lead him on if you're not into everything. Those things are wrong, and if you feel the need to do that then you don't know the meaning of a true relationship. Be honest and open with him. If the two of you are mature then you will handle it correctly.
  7. Be seductive. Don't be afraid to be seductive. Men find it irresistible when a girl is sexy, classy, and confident. Remember - confidence is the ultimate type of sexy, and guys pick up on that.
  8. Don't be insecure about your appearance. If he's dating you he obviously thinks you're attractive.
  9. It's all about giving. Boys love to receive gifts and it shows that he means a lot to you. Don't overdo it though, you don't want him to think you're crazy!
  10. Dominance. When you're out on a dinner date and he offers to pay, refuse. It shows that you aren't just in it for his money.
  11. Affection. There are various ways to show your affection, some are more obvious than others. Men sometimes like it when a girl gives them a pet name. eg: Baby or Sweetheart. Try not to overdo this, however. This can be a major turn-off if you call them Mr. Cuddle-Bear. Also, communication is a vital part of a relationship (obviously) so make sure that he knows how much you like him. Constant lovey dovey texts and emails can be a plus, but too many will become overwhelming and you may seem clingy. They do show you're into him, and you want it to last forever, but don't come on so much that you scare him!

  • As in any healthy relationship, you will have your share of conflicts, some tiny, some big. Remember to be true to yourself and try to abandon any significant selfishness. A relationship is a matter of teamwork and a symbiotic relationship, not a parasitic one, where a party gives and the other one just takes without giving enough back.
  • If your boyfriend is acting passive towards you, it doesn't necessarily mean he doesn't love you. It most likely means he is shy and has never been in a relationship before and just doesn't know how to act. To solve this problem you can talk to him about acting that way. Perhaps he's expecting you to take more initiative, because you have had more experience with relationships than he has.
  • Avoid having a "one track" relationship in which the bond revolves around one thing. Keep your relationship strong by bringing variety and diversity into the relationship. Try different and new things together. Relationships are about having fun together, learning together and growing together.
  • Don't let your friends try to manage your relationship. It's your relationship and no one else's. You don't have to listen to every piece of advice from your friends if you don't want to.
  • Don't always criticize men, it doesn't go well, however constructive criticism has its place.
  • Let him know he's right when he is.
  • Don't forget that he has a life of his own. Just because he didn't call you back for 10 minutes doesn't mean he's been cheating. You cannot be his one and only focus all the time.
  • Don't ever let him tell you how to live your life. Don't let him pressure you and be open about things. But don't tell him how to live his life either.
  • Don't try to change him. Just Let him know things that you like,if he loves you he will try to do it next time.
  • Don't avoid him/be shy of him, when he wears an outfit that you don't prefer,you can buy for him something that you will adore him to put it on. I'm sure next time you will find changes ,don't be too open by telling him What have you worn today!

  • Do NOT flirt with his friends! No matter how hot they are to you, you need to assure him that he is the only guy for you.
  • Don't be annoying.
  • Never lie.
  • Don't look at his phone.
  • Don't conduct "secret tests" on your boyfriend to see what he'll do. It's humiliating, disrespectful and unfair, and you wouldn't want him to do that to you. The same goes for coercing your boyfriend with sex.
  • It's fine to share things with your girlfriends when talking about him, but remember to be respectful of him by not sharing things that are embarrassing, confidential or rude. (Don't kiss and tell!) You can keep your girlfriends "updated" on how the relationship is going, but keep them from getting involved in your relationship, unless abuse or other dangerous activities are taking place, in which case tell them everything. But if you decide you want to share private information about the relationship, make sure he is allowed to do the same with his friends; but don't let him talk about you like an object.
  • Jealousy is a very dangerous thing. Don't intentionally make him jealous. That will result with a lot of problems and difficulties within your relationship.
  • Try to get along with his friends and family. These are most likely things that mean a lot to him, and him having good opinions about you from people he cares about will mean a lot. Try making friends with his friends and his siblings. Make sure you're respectful to his parents and make sure they like you. Try doing little things like becoming close with his mom or going shopping with his sister.
  • Boys feel insecure and like compliments too!
  • Don't just be honest, but be open with things as well. Don't leave things unsaid, even if it can be awkward, because this can lead to problems in your relationship down the road.
  • Don't go out with a guy who you never talk to in person and only talk to on the phone or instant message. Then the guy will think you are scared to talk to him in person or you just don't care about the relationship.
  • Communicate effectively- say exactly, to the point, what is on your mind. That way there are no guessing games.

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Tips on Making a Relationship Work


  • Love is the most important thing for a relationship. There's no "maybe" about love; you should know if you love someone. You enjoy sharing with each other anything and everything, you respect and trust each other, you're always honest with each other, you enjoy spending time and having special moments with each other, the good times outnumber the bad times, you're there for each other, you have great conversations, you're close on almost every level possible, you can balance the time you spend together and the time you spend apart, you can balance the time you do have together on emotional activities and conversations with the physical activities and conversations. You would do anything for each other and protect each other, you're kind to each other and show affection, and you spend time out of choice, not dependency
  • There is always somewhere to go and something to do with each other as a date, so be creative and search around for ideas on what to do and where to go.
  • Remember, if you're boyfriend and girlfriend, basically anywhere you go together and anything you do together is a date. Have fun and bond with each other.
  • Have Saturday or Friday "date nights" for you as a couple (basically a weekly date) if you're in high school.
  • If you're in college, talk over your schedules and have a weekly date night too.
  • If you're not in college or high school (adult) then work around your work schedules and carve out special time for just you two once a week as well.
  • Use relationship resources to help your relationship - e.g., books (Relationships For Dummies, The Complete Idiot's Guide To A Healthy Relationship, Emotional Fitness For Couples). Also - there are relationship therapists, counselors, and psychologists who can help.


  • A relationship should be healthy, caring, loving, kind, upbeat, and positive. It should make your life better. If your life feels trying, upsetting, and worrisome, and even more so when you spend time with your boyfriend or girlfriend, it may be time to reassess.
  • Infatuation generally lasts for 2 years as studies show. Keep this in mind, and if your relationship manages to be 2 years or more, then chances are you two have something that is more than skin deep.

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How to Make a Relationship Work


Decide to love. Infatuation is typically what sparks loving relationships, but the excitement fades and warm feelings diminish unless both partners make conscious efforts to uphold their companionship. Once love is established in a relationship, actively expressing love to each other will maintain and increase the loving feelings in both partners. Conversely, refraining from expressions of love allows one's devotion to dissipate. If you are aiming for a long-lasting, successful marriage, you need to commit to your partner's emotional well-being, even when it isn't easy.

Communicate about anything and everything. Have deep and meaningful conversations once in a while. Discuss what's going on in your lives right now, whether social life, school life, or family life, and learn about each other's pasts and childhoods. Celebrate accomplishments, encourage goals and ambitions, and explore each other's values and beliefs. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Know each other inside and out.

Establish trust on all levels. Mutual trust is founded in respect and loyalty toward each other. Strive to understand and respect your differences. Share and clarify your differing perspectives, and try to empathize with each other's point of view. In some cases, it is better to simply agree to have differences of opinion or your own ways of doing things. Pressuring your partner to do something that they really don't want to do, or neglecting or abusing them (whether emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually) undermines your ability to trust and rely on one another. You should be able to trust each other in everything, keeping private your partner's innermost secrets, fears, and struggles.

Support each other. Be there through the good, happy, sad, and bad times—no matter what. Be willing to provide hugs, kisses, and emotional comfort in all circumstances. If your partner resists your attempts to comfort them and declines to talk about it, you should ease off of the subject and wait until they seem to be in a better mood before returning to it. Feel like you can count on each other; be reliable and loyal, and be emotionally available when you need each other most.

Be completely honest with each other. A truly emotionally intimate relationship requires open and honest communication. Keeping secrets from your partner creates a barrier between you that limits your mutual emotional trust. Honesty can be scary, but if you want your relationship to thrive, then you both need to become comfortable discussing your feelings, insecurities, and frustrations.

Spend time together. Carve out date times for togetherness as a couple. Spend time talking with each other and going out on dates, and doing other relationship-building activities. Really get to know each other and build a connection between you that's strong and enduring. Make an effort to see each other (in-person) and talk on the phone maybe once a day or every few days.

Spend time apart. Be independent and keep your sense of self, never losing yourself or your voice in the relationship. Don't suffocate each other. You should each continue to grow as individuals—not just as a couple. You should have your own space, too—physically and emotionally. Do your own things separately once in a while. Spend time with friends and family, and by yourself pursuing hobbies and other things. Just ensure that no other relationship or pursuit crowds out your partner from being your first priority.

Settle disputes peacefully. Apologize, forgive, and make up with each other. If you threaten to break up with each other after every fight or argument, you will never really resolve anything. Take breaking up off the table. Talk through disagreements as long or as many times as it takes until the issue is resolved and both of you feel comfortable moving forward.

Keep most things private between you two. When your partner shares with you and confides in you (emotionally and physically),especially when they share something about another person; resist the urge to disclose sensitive details to anyone without permission. You should treat it as something special, personal and private between you two, out of respect for your partner. A relationship is between two people—you and your girlfriend or boyfriend (or spouse), not anyone else. Don't involve others in intimate matters, however close you may feel to them.

Make continual efforts to maintain your relationship. Work on it. Work hard at keeping it positive, upbeat, healthy, and the very best it can be. Work on it every single day. Whatever you can do to improve your relationship or make it healthier, do it! Try thinking about, and then doing, at least one thing each day that will make life a little easier, brighter, or better for your other half. By challenging yourself to do at least one nice thing for your partner every single day, you stay focused on keeping your love front and center.

Be romantic. Romance is essential to have at least some of the time. Candles, candlelight, compliments, stargazing, watching the stars, sunset or sunrise, fireworks, romantic bubblebaths, showers, and romantic dinners are good ideas. Make some things you do and some places you decide to go to on dates romantic.

Remember that every person, couple, and relationship is different. Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's—not your parents or other family members, friends, coworkers, that couple whose relationship seems perfect, etc. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, love habits, love routines, and so on. Just focus on you two and making your relationship the best that it can be.

Show affection. Hold hands, kiss, hug, cuddle, snuggle, or wrap arms around shoulders or waists. Become close and really comfortable with each other physically and emotionally. Share every part of yourself (your heart, mind, and soul), not just your body.

Remember that intensity of emotion can ebb and flow over the years. There may be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little become very selfish and routine. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. You choose to feel committed and close, so when you feel yourself drifting or taking your love one for granted or even becoming unkind or disrespectful, plan a romantic date night, do something special for your love, and just remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place.

See family as one, not two. Include each other in decisions. One's worry is the other's, because both will be affected by it.

Make sure you're there for your partner no matter what, if they call you then answer your phone, if they text you then reply. Do not avoid or be distant from your partner as this will cause them concern as to weather or not you're serious about them and could lead them to feeling a sense of not trusting you.

Never cheat or be disloyal. Whatever you do behind your partner's back, imagine them doing it to you. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Never be selfish, Your wants and needs are just as important as your partner's, if you give nothing of yourself, then you'll get nothing in return. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Actions speak louder than words.

Don't play games or intentionally act distant to seek control over your partner. This is a form of abuse. If your partner speaks to you, reply with compassion. Never stay silent and avoid them.

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How To Survive When Relationship Breaks Down


Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. How to survive relationship breakdown?

1. Stop Thinking About why?

Most of the people who suffer with breakdown of relationship keep thinking about the reasons. They analyze again and again. Their mind keeps thinking of the reasons the relationship broke down. They speak to their family and friends and seek their opinion. Sometimes they find that their partner was guilty and other times they blame themselves. This is an unending process. There is no use analyzing the reasons. At least do not do that immediately after the breakdown. You can peacefully do that after about a year to make an unemotional analysis.

2. Do things differently-

I have observed that all of us have habit of doing our daily chores in the same way everyday. Watch when you step out of your home. Which leg do you lift first? You will do this everyday. Similarly watch the way you brush your teeth, your sleeping position, the way you wear your clothes. You will find that you have programmed yourself to do everything in the same way everyday. When you have a relationship breakdown, try reversing all the orders. If it is your left leg that you lift first while walking, lift your right leg. You will be surprised at the new experience of doing everything differently. This breaks the monotony of life and gives mind a new direction in thinking.

It is not very easy to survive breakdown easily. The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. Some out of us expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma. On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. Such people are vulnerable to pain and may need psychiatric help.

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Tips on How to Save Your Relationship From a Break Up


For saving your relationship from a break up, the first thing that you need to do is to talk to your partner. There is no conflict or issue in a relationship, which cannot be resolved through talking. If you are not talking to each other, then I suggest that you take the initiative and call your partner. Remember, ego should never ever come in between love. At the same time, when you do talk to your partner, don't sound or look desperate. Do not beg them to stay in the relationship. Instead, simply call up and see whether he/she wants to meet you. If he says yes, consider it a positive sign. If he says no, ask how he is doing and make some small talk. Wait for about a week and then again ask him out. Do not rush things as it will show how desperate you are. Instead, be in control of the situation, by acting maturely and patiently.

Presuming that you two are on talking terms again and your partner has agreed to meet you, the next thing that you both should do is to sit together and analyze what went wrong in the relationship. Here, an important tip to save your relationship from breaking up is to discuss things and not blame one another. Respect, trust, love and open communication, these are the hallmarks of a successful relationship. So, treat your partner with respect and listen to their viewpoint with an open mind. Arrive at the reasons which drove both of you apart and then find solutions for the same together.

Generally, it is seen that relationships fall apart when the partners are not able to give time to one another. With the hectic lifestyles that most of us lead these days, it is no wonder that partners hardly get one to one time on a daily basis. Many of us spend more time with our colleagues as compared to our own spouses. The result? Breakdown of relationships at home and the tendency towards having flings with co-workers or anyone else a person comes in contact with while out of home. So, to avoid all these and to save your relationship, spend quality time with your partner. Go on romantic dates and holidays as you used to when you first fell in love. Join a dance or any other hobby class together so that you can have fun in each other's company. This will certainly help in improving the bond that you two share.

Sometimes, relationships get strained if one of the persons is over possessive and jealous. Both these can be detrimental to one's relationships. Every man and woman in a relationship should remember that the other person has a life beyond the relationship. Respecting each other's space, giving them an opportunity to be themselves and explore various things in life, rather than constraining them, can actually build a strong foundation of trust in the relationship.

Lastly, if things are really out of hand and you two have some issues for which you can't find a solution, it is best that you go in for relationship counseling. A counselor will talk to both of you individually as well as a couple. He can get to the bottom of why you are experiencing problems and suggest some good solutions for the same.

For a relationship to be successful, both the partners should be physically, emotionally and intellectually compatible. Have a frank talk amongst yourself, try to understand what is lacking in your relationship and then work on it. As mentioned earlier, having fun together is extremely important too. So, try adventure sports or read together or go on a holiday. These things will definitely strengthen your bond. In the end, it would pay to keep in mind that some relationships work and some don't. So, even if you two are not able to make your relationship a success, do not be disheartened. Keep an open mind and remember - whatever happens in life, happens for the best!

Published: 5/12/2011

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How to Survive the Relationship Struggle


Most people have a fantasy about relationships. It goes something like this:

One day they'll meet their ideal partner. This person will understand them completely and will easily connect with them. There'll be no arguments. Everything will be perfect. Magic will happen and continue forever.

The reality of relationships, you know, is quite different. An intimate relationship is one of the most powerful opportunities for personal growth. And growth -- even for the most transformed person -- often brings pain. But it also brings incredible joy. Relationships are akin to life -- sometimes sublime and sometimes challenging, and, as with life, the amount of satisfaction you derive depends on how much you're willing to move outside of your comfort zone.

Sometime between three and 12 months into a relationship, a couple enters a period of struggle. During this time, the couple begins having disagreements and one or both partners blame the difficulties on the other. This period lasts approximately one year, depending on the individuals. In my coaching practice I've seen this happen to every couple -- without exception.

What's actually happening is that the couple is establishing the rules of conduct for the relationship. Each partner, having grown up in a different family culture, has different conduct rules. Since these rules are subconscious, neither is aware they're enforcing their own standards. For example, a woman may have been raised in a family where feelings were not expressed and communicating her feelings was scorned. Her partner was raised in a family with excessive emotional closeness and sharing. While she may not expect any emotional expression and sharing in the relationship, her partner does.

The couple's task during this period is to create a shared set of rules that are independent of their respective family dynamics. Each one must look inside and discover what they want from this relationship, which requires a strong commitment to the it and detachment from family patterns.

Without realizing it, most people are deeply loyal to their family patterns and beliefs. Each partner will believe that his approach is the correct one. If and when the other partner does not comply, he will be made wrong and attempts will be made to force compliance.

This period in the relationship is frustrating and painful and it's the point where most relationships end. The key ingredient to the survival of the relationship is the willingness of each partner to grow. Both must be willing to rework their rules of conduct and meet in the middle. If one partner becomes unwilling to grow and change, the relationship is functionally over. A vital, dynamic, loving partnership cannot exist when one partner exerts his will over the other. The relationship will eventually end with both people deeply wounded.

Relationships are not the way they are portrayed in fairy tales, but the true beauty of relationships is that they're an opportunity for each partner to transform. Growth will be painful at times because it will require each partner to go beyond what they already know about relationships. And if you're unwilling to look within yourself and move outside your comfort zone, stay single and date casually. But, if you're willing to grow, you'll reap the benefits of a dynamic, loving partnership.

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