Move on...

Break-ups can be difficult and painful, but the important thing to remember is that a break up is not the end of the world. Sometimes a break-up can even be a good thing because it will give you a chance to re-evaluate your life, and maybe even lead you to find someone more suitable. The truth is, that you can move on after a break-up no matter how bad it may have been.

1. Give yourself plenty of time to heal and recuperate. Remember that time heals all wounds. Put away pictures, gifts or any mementos that remind you of your ex. It is natural to experience feelings of denial, but do your best to resist the urge to call your ex and ask to get back together. Immediately after a break-up, you are at your most vulnerable state, so be careful not to get into a rebound relationship that may prove to be a mistake. Avoid some of the pitfalls, such as drowning your sorrows in alcohol, and instead channel all of your energy into positive activities that make you feel good about yourself.

2. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones. Talk about how you're feeling and allow them to comfort you and offer you advice. A break-up can be a very lonely experience, so surrounding yourself with others you love and trust will help to erase some of the loneliness. Don't try to deal with the experience all by yourself. Go out and meet new people, rebuild old relationships, network and immerse yourself into social situations. Keep yourself busy doing things you enjoy with the people you love, and don't dwell on the past.

3.Go out and have fun. Don't stay home and sulk, as it will only make you feel more miserable. Round up a group of friends and hit the town. Do something fun and exciting, such as a night of dancing or bar hopping. Plan a weekend beach or camping trip or take a quick out-of-town getaway. Going out with friends will remind you that being single can be just as fun as being in a relationship. It will also help to keep your mind off your ex.

4. Take some time off for yourself and get away from the world for a while. Use this time to reflect on your life and expectations for the future. Enjoy your time alone with relaxing activities such as reading, taking long baths, watching your favorite movies or engaging in a favorite hobby or pastime. Basically, take this time to do whatever makes you feel the most relaxed and calm. Clear your mind of all negative feelings to help you slowly let go of any lingering bitterness.

5. Start dating again. After you have given yourself adequate time to get over your last relationship, consider getting back into the dating game. Allow yourself to fall in love again and enjoy the start of a new relationship. Be careful to not rush things and take the time to really let your partner into your life. Take care not to be consumed in this new union, or any other relationship, for that matter--you never know when another break-up may happen.

Whatever you do, don't let a break-up get you down. Remember that everyone experiences break-ups regardless of age, race, class or social status. Even celebrities go through bad break-ups, so don't let the end of a relationship destroy your self-esteem.

Credit: http://www.ehow.com

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How to Make a Relationship Work

Decide to love. Infatuation is typically what sparks loving relationships, but the excitement fades and warm feelings diminish unless both partners make conscious efforts to uphold their companionship. Once love is established in a relationship, actively expressing love to each other will maintain and increase the loving feelings in both partners. Conversely, refraining from expressions of love allows one's devotion to dissipate. If you are aiming for a long-lasting, successful marriage, you need to commit to your partner's emotional well-being, even when it isn't easy.

Communicate about anything and everything. Have deep and meaningful conversations once in a while. Discuss what's going on in your lives right now, whether social life, school life, or family life, and learn about each other's pasts and childhoods. Celebrate accomplishments, encourage goals and ambitions, and explore each other's values and beliefs. Share your deepest thoughts, needs, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Know each other inside and out.

Establish trust on all levels. Mutual trust is founded in respect and loyalty toward each other. Strive to understand and respect your differences. Share and clarify your differing perspectives, and try to empathize with each other's point of view. In some cases, it is better to simply agree to have differences of opinion or your own ways of doing things. Pressuring your partner to do something that they really don't want to do, or neglecting or abusing them (whether emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually) undermines your ability to trust and rely on one another. You should be able to trust each other in everything, keeping private your partner's innermost secrets, fears, and struggles.

Support each other. Be there through the good, happy, sad, and bad times—no matter what. Be willing to provide hugs, kisses, and emotional comfort in all circumstances. If your partner resists your attempts to comfort them and declines to talk about it, you should ease off of the subject and wait until they seem to be in a better mood before returning to it. Feel like you can count on each other; be reliable and loyal, and be emotionally available when you need each other most.

Be completely honest with each other. A truly emotionally intimate relationship requires open and honest communication. Keeping secrets from your partner creates a barrier between you that limits your mutual emotional trust. Honesty can be scary, but if you want your relationship to thrive, then you both need to become comfortable discussing your feelings, insecurities, and frustrations.

Spend time together. Carve out date times for togetherness as a couple. Spend time talking with each other and going out on dates, and doing other relationship-building activities. Really get to know each other and build a connection between you that's strong and enduring. Make an effort to see each other (in-person) and talk on the phone maybe once a day or every few days.

Spend time apart. Be independent and keep your sense of self, never losing yourself or your voice in the relationship. Don't suffocate each other. You should each continue to grow as individuals—not just as a couple. You should have your own space, too—physically and emotionally. Do your own things separately once in a while. Spend time with friends and family, and by yourself pursuing hobbies and other things. Just ensure that no other relationship or pursuit crowds out your partner from being your first priority.

Settle disputes peacefully. Apologize, forgive, and make up with each other. If you threaten to break up with each other after every fight or argument, you will never really resolve anything. Take breaking up off the table. Talk through disagreements as long or as many times as it takes until the issue is resolved and both of you feel comfortable moving forward.

Keep most things private between you two. When your partner shares with you and confides in you (emotionally and physically),especially when they share something about another person; resist the urge to disclose sensitive details to anyone without permission. You should treat it as something special, personal and private between you two, out of respect for your partner. A relationship is between two people—you and your girlfriend or boyfriend (or spouse), not anyone else. Don't involve others in intimate matters, however close you may feel to them.

Make continual efforts to maintain your relationship. Work on it. Work hard at keeping it positive, upbeat, healthy, and the very best it can be. Work on it every single day. Whatever you can do to improve your relationship or make it healthier, do it! Try thinking about, and then doing, at least one thing each day that will make life a little easier, brighter, or better for your other half. By challenging yourself to do at least one nice thing for your partner every single day, you stay focused on keeping your love front and center.

Be romantic. Romance is essential to have at least some of the time. Candles, candlelight, compliments, stargazing, watching the stars, sunset or sunrise, fireworks, romantic bubblebaths, showers, and romantic dinners are good ideas. Make some things you do and some places you decide to go to on dates romantic.

Remember that every person, couple, and relationship is different. Don't compare your relationship to anyone else's—not your parents or other family members, friends, coworkers, that couple whose relationship seems perfect, etc. Every couple makes their own love rules, love agreements, love habits, love routines, and so on. Just focus on you two and making your relationship the best that it can be.

Show affection. Hold hands, kiss, hug, cuddle, snuggle, or wrap arms around shoulders or waists. Become close and really comfortable with each other physically and emotionally. Share every part of yourself (your heart, mind, and soul), not just your body.

Remember that intensity of emotion can ebb and flow over the years. There may be times when you are less aware of your loving feelings, more into your own interests, perhaps things have even become a little become very selfish and routine. Those are the times to remember all the wonderful things you have done together, and still want to do. You choose to feel committed and close, so when you feel yourself drifting or taking your love one for granted or even becoming unkind or disrespectful, plan a romantic date night, do something special for your love, and just remind yourself of all the wonderful qualities he or she possesses that made you fall in love in the first place.

See family as one, not two. Include each other in decisions. One's worry is the other's, because both will be affected by it.

Make sure you're there for your partner no matter what, if they call you then answer your phone, if they text you then reply. Do not avoid or be distant from your partner as this will cause them concern as to weather or not you're serious about them and could lead them to feeling a sense of not trusting you.

Never cheat or be disloyal. Whatever you do behind your partner's back, imagine them doing it to you. Treat others how you want to be treated.

Never be selfish, Your wants and needs are just as important as your partner's, if you give nothing of yourself, then you'll get nothing in return. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Actions speak louder than words.

Don't play games or intentionally act distant to seek control over your partner. This is a form of abuse. If your partner speaks to you, reply with compassion. Never stay silent and avoid them.

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How To Survive When Relationship Breaks Down

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. How to survive relationship breakdown?

1. Stop Thinking About why?

Most of the people who suffer with breakdown of relationship keep thinking about the reasons. They analyze again and again. Their mind keeps thinking of the reasons the relationship broke down. They speak to their family and friends and seek their opinion. Sometimes they find that their partner was guilty and other times they blame themselves. This is an unending process. There is no use analyzing the reasons. At least do not do that immediately after the breakdown. You can peacefully do that after about a year to make an unemotional analysis.

2. Do things differently-

I have observed that all of us have habit of doing our daily chores in the same way everyday. Watch when you step out of your home. Which leg do you lift first? You will do this everyday. Similarly watch the way you brush your teeth, your sleeping position, the way you wear your clothes. You will find that you have programmed yourself to do everything in the same way everyday. When you have a relationship breakdown, try reversing all the orders. If it is your left leg that you lift first while walking, lift your right leg. You will be surprised at the new experience of doing everything differently. This breaks the monotony of life and gives mind a new direction in thinking.

It is not very easy to survive breakdown easily. The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. Some out of us expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma. On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. Such people are vulnerable to pain and may need psychiatric help.

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Tips on How to Save Your Relationship From a Break Up

For saving your relationship from a break up, the first thing that you need to do is to talk to your partner. There is no conflict or issue in a relationship, which cannot be resolved through talking. If you are not talking to each other, then I suggest that you take the initiative and call your partner. Remember, ego should never ever come in between love. At the same time, when you do talk to your partner, don't sound or look desperate. Do not beg them to stay in the relationship. Instead, simply call up and see whether he/she wants to meet you. If he says yes, consider it a positive sign. If he says no, ask how he is doing and make some small talk. Wait for about a week and then again ask him out. Do not rush things as it will show how desperate you are. Instead, be in control of the situation, by acting maturely and patiently.

Presuming that you two are on talking terms again and your partner has agreed to meet you, the next thing that you both should do is to sit together and analyze what went wrong in the relationship. Here, an important tip to save your relationship from breaking up is to discuss things and not blame one another. Respect, trust, love and open communication, these are the hallmarks of a successful relationship. So, treat your partner with respect and listen to their viewpoint with an open mind. Arrive at the reasons which drove both of you apart and then find solutions for the same together.

Generally, it is seen that relationships fall apart when the partners are not able to give time to one another. With the hectic lifestyles that most of us lead these days, it is no wonder that partners hardly get one to one time on a daily basis. Many of us spend more time with our colleagues as compared to our own spouses. The result? Breakdown of relationships at home and the tendency towards having flings with co-workers or anyone else a person comes in contact with while out of home. So, to avoid all these and to save your relationship, spend quality time with your partner. Go on romantic dates and holidays as you used to when you first fell in love. Join a dance or any other hobby class together so that you can have fun in each other's company. This will certainly help in improving the bond that you two share.

Sometimes, relationships get strained if one of the persons is over possessive and jealous. Both these can be detrimental to one's relationships. Every man and woman in a relationship should remember that the other person has a life beyond the relationship. Respecting each other's space, giving them an opportunity to be themselves and explore various things in life, rather than constraining them, can actually build a strong foundation of trust in the relationship.

Lastly, if things are really out of hand and you two have some issues for which you can't find a solution, it is best that you go in for relationship counseling. A counselor will talk to both of you individually as well as a couple. He can get to the bottom of why you are experiencing problems and suggest some good solutions for the same.

For a relationship to be successful, both the partners should be physically, emotionally and intellectually compatible. Have a frank talk amongst yourself, try to understand what is lacking in your relationship and then work on it. As mentioned earlier, having fun together is extremely important too. So, try adventure sports or read together or go on a holiday. These things will definitely strengthen your bond. In the end, it would pay to keep in mind that some relationships work and some don't. So, even if you two are not able to make your relationship a success, do not be disheartened. Keep an open mind and remember - whatever happens in life, happens for the best!

By Aastha Dogra
Published: 5/12/2011

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How to Survive the Relationship Struggle

Most people have a fantasy about relationships. It goes something like this:

One day they'll meet their ideal partner. This person will understand them completely and will easily connect with them. There'll be no arguments. Everything will be perfect. Magic will happen and continue forever.

The reality of relationships, you know, is quite different. An intimate relationship is one of the most powerful opportunities for personal growth. And growth -- even for the most transformed person -- often brings pain. But it also brings incredible joy. Relationships are akin to life -- sometimes sublime and sometimes challenging, and, as with life, the amount of satisfaction you derive depends on how much you're willing to move outside of your comfort zone.

Sometime between three and 12 months into a relationship, a couple enters a period of struggle. During this time, the couple begins having disagreements and one or both partners blame the difficulties on the other. This period lasts approximately one year, depending on the individuals. In my coaching practice I've seen this happen to every couple -- without exception.

What's actually happening is that the couple is establishing the rules of conduct for the relationship. Each partner, having grown up in a different family culture, has different conduct rules. Since these rules are subconscious, neither is aware they're enforcing their own standards. For example, a woman may have been raised in a family where feelings were not expressed and communicating her feelings was scorned. Her partner was raised in a family with excessive emotional closeness and sharing. While she may not expect any emotional expression and sharing in the relationship, her partner does.

The couple's task during this period is to create a shared set of rules that are independent of their respective family dynamics. Each one must look inside and discover what they want from this relationship, which requires a strong commitment to the it and detachment from family patterns.

Without realizing it, most people are deeply loyal to their family patterns and beliefs. Each partner will believe that his approach is the correct one. If and when the other partner does not comply, he will be made wrong and attempts will be made to force compliance.

This period in the relationship is frustrating and painful and it's the point where most relationships end. The key ingredient to the survival of the relationship is the willingness of each partner to grow. Both must be willing to rework their rules of conduct and meet in the middle. If one partner becomes unwilling to grow and change, the relationship is functionally over. A vital, dynamic, loving partnership cannot exist when one partner exerts his will over the other. The relationship will eventually end with both people deeply wounded.

Relationships are not the way they are portrayed in fairy tales, but the true beauty of relationships is that they're an opportunity for each partner to transform. Growth will be painful at times because it will require each partner to go beyond what they already know about relationships. And if you're unwilling to look within yourself and move outside your comfort zone, stay single and date casually. But, if you're willing to grow, you'll reap the benefits of a dynamic, loving partnership.

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